‘Mr Ryf and the Golden Juicy’ – twiFable of the tiny tomte’s quopping quest (previously tweeted daily in episodes of not many characters)
ep1 One fine day, a tomte the size of a button struggled up the highest moldwarp mound he could find. Mr Ryf (pron. ‘rife’) was…
ep2 ...neither a bubbler nor a bounder. Indeed, Mr Ryf was humble and shy, and helped the folk of Nor in his elfin way. But…
ep3 ... how surprised many a dorbel would be if they discovered the tomte’s burning secret...
ep4 …For a desirous thirst, a greed, drove Mr Ryf to act quite out of character. He dared to scrump scrogglings of Crispin, …
ep5 …McIntosh and Northern Spy. His rumblin tomte tum and taste for what he believed to be the most perfectly designed …
ep6 …fodder had led him astray. Jonamac, Ida Red, Winesap and Honeyberry – Mr Ryf had nabbled and nibbled …
ep7 ...his way through every zesty cultivar. For years our hail-fellow hero was in a feaze, a frenzy of gustation. But a shadow…
ep8 …fell when Mr Ryf discovered that the best of all had eluded him. Tomte twitters had whispered of …
ep9 …a golden juicy apple that makes every flat-capped fellow, tomte, sprite, turnip and trotter, dribble at the sight of …
ep10 …it. Amazed that anything could be tastier than a Jonamac or Ida Rem, Mr Ryf searched the vastidity of Nor for…
ep11 …this perfect orb. But he could not find it, and now our helpless hero stood silently upon the moldwarp mound, feeling…
ep12 …rather whatish. What would Mr Ryf do? Where could this classy fruit be hid? His tomte tum grizzled as he stood atop the…
ep13 …countryside pinnacle, feeling the soft soil between his tiny, hungry toes. Suddenly the answer came from the maker…
ep14 …of the mound. The dearest little moldwarp whispered: ‘Mr Ryf, I hear that a most perfectly designed apple…
ep15 …has been rumbled on the streets of Lundooon. ‘Aaah,’ sighed our hero. After solicitudes aplenty, the tiny tomte nimbly…
ep16…nipped off, nose towards the big, scary city. Driven by his pungent passion, Mr Ryf skipped with delight at the sight of…
ep17 …the mysterious megalopolis. Our dear tomte was a mite muddled by the golden smog haze, thinking it was…
ep18 …a fragrant shimmer from the godly apple. Naïve indeed, Mr Ryf trotted on toward the tarnished gates, unaware of…
ep19 …urban canaille. Busy and bad, the lundooon streets made our incy sweet chap feel a wincey bit sick. Yet unruffled, Mr …
ep20 …Ryf skipped along the road, until – ye gad – he was nearly squashed by a sherbert dab! Still unstirred, our blessed…
ep21 … little fructivore hopped on the path – where pustulent plates of meat skimmed past. A gafty Lundoooner,…
ep22 …a merchant banker and a saucepan lid nearly kicked our button-sized hero into Tom Tit. Racing on in a fruit-driven sweat,…
ep23 …our tomte feared he’d be too late. Jammed in the clamjaphrie, woeful worries filled his darling little head, ‘Oh lordy, oh…
ep24 …deary me, where can that juicy fruit be?’ puffed our oh-so troubled hero. (Dear reader, perhaps some carpophagous…
ep25 …kleptomaniac had, indeed, guzzled the last! And a lundooon danderer may yet be Mr Ryf’s rack and ruin.)…
ep26 …Now tomte’s tum grizzled for the bite of its life. He weakly whispered into the ether, ‘Ye gads, when will the golden…
ep27…one come?’ Our near-dustward hero longed to see the friendly face of his moldwarp mate. Then, oh-so suddenly …
ep28 …a waft of scent stole tomte’s soul. What was it? Aah, there on a plinth in Trafagular Squit lay the juiciest, goldenist It…
ep29 …Our Mr Ryf, with tears in his eyes, drooled and dribbled down his weasel and stoat. The longed-for….
ep30 …apple wobbled in the breeze and quivered in the sun. But all of a sudden – the fulgent fruity was gone. …
ep31 …Two Steves and a Rom had obscured tomte’s view. Rumbling round the pearly plinth, the three mugwump men..…
ep32 …were all in a garboil over who’d scoff the juicy one! After much logorrhea, they chose to be loyal…..
ep33 …and share out the apple. Terrifically tantalized, Mr Ryf pleaded for a portion, but the blooming chiefs...
ep34 …were cloth-eared to his tweets. Rom took a knife and cut the It in three. Then they ate It. All of it. Poor Tom…te.
ep35 …‘To be or not to be,’ thought Mr Ryf. Quanked, he maffled for a pal, ‘How I long to be in Nor with that matey moldwarp’…
ep36 …The Steves and the Rom stood in an iridescent haze, glowing and growing. Mashers and money-men bowed to their taste...
ep37 …Mafficking and music filled the Lundooon Squit. Our tomte felt left out, ‘Now I’ll never taste the juicy glow of It.’
ep38 …Darkness fell. Mr Ryf yaffled, ‘Oh dear, Tomte’s a-cold, oh my.’ Mr Ryf was scared. Mirknight goblins came and stared...
ep39 …Mr Ryf shivered and shook with fear, ‘I really need my moldwarp here.’ Then a tiny rumble tickled our tomte’s toes
ep40 …Dust wafted up. The earth moved. And beside the plinth, a hairless snout poked out. ‘Moldwarp!’ cried Mr Ryf. ‘Tomte!’…
ep41 …After hearty handshakes and friendly fumbles, ramfeezled Mr Ryf told his tale: how the last juicy was lost to mugwump men…
ep42 …The moldwarp listened and waggled his nose. Then he said, sniffing the air, ‘You know they’ve left the core up there?’…
ep43 …Tomte’s nostrils flared. He liked the smell of It. But the juicy core, those golden pips lay out of reach, atop the plinth…
ep44 …‘Oh bother, it’s too high for a tomte,’ muttered the welwilly moldwarp. Then the velvety dear had a monsterful idea...
ep45 …To help Mr Ryf, he clawed at the concrete and burrowed in the dust, and built a plinth-high mound, without any fussywuss…
ep46 …The teeny tiny tomte crambled up the moldwarp heap. His heart quaked as he hopped aboard the plinth. There…
ep47 …before his eyes lay not a dual, triple or quad, but the most perfect single golden One. Our tomte licked his lips....
ep48 …Mr Ryf called down to moldwarp, ‘Should I eat it holus-bolus, or in chimbles and chomps?’ The concerned creature answered…
ep49 ...‘First, just nibble it - we don’t know the golden one’s effect on a tomte!’ So Mr Ryf chimbled at the juicy heart and…
ep50 …he near-swooned at the teemful taste. But oh lordy, trouble lay ahead – the effect of It was astonishing...
ep51 …Mr Ryf shot up, up, up to become a tottering tower of tomte. His moldwarp mate was left all alone: teeny tiny, far below….
ep52 …Our tomte wailed and the moldwarp shrieked: ‘You’ve become a flonkering giant Mr Ryf! Beware! Don’t eat more of It!’…
ep53 …Our hero wept: ‘I can’t stop!’ He took a goblock and the last of It was gone. ‘Oh no, too late! Look what I’ve become…
ep54 …The disquixotted tomte had indeed become a sui generis giant. He crouched low to meet the tearful eye of his pewfellow pet…
ep55 …‘Where’s the nearest battle cruiser?’ bumbled our disaffected tomte. But the dawn light rose in Trafagular Squit and...
ep56 …Lundooon crowds gathered to see what had been upgraded by It. Headlines written, twitters twittened, everyone maffled…
ep57 …of the apple lover. Our shy new giant felt all tom and dick and wanted an end to It. He hid behind Woznick’s column til...
ep58 …the sweet moley voice said ‘Shall we potter back home and pick pippins?’ Mr Ryf smiled :)…he longed for a quick quiddanet.
ep59 …Mr Ryf felt the cowfyne furry hand in his cow-handed palm as the sun shone and the confused crowds grew…
ep60 …The odd couple ran to a pub for a clamberskull or few, and then three hours later, cheeping-merry, went on their way. Once…
ep61 …on the road, they chatted of course. ‘Mr Ryf, will you be my Vladimir?’ muttered the blushing moldwarp…
ep62 ‘Absolutely my dear – if you’ll be my Estragon,’ the giant sighed. Then a teeny bit troubled,…
ep63… he mumbled: ‘But sweetie, can a moldwarp and a tomte be devoted darlings?’ ‘Mr Ryf,’ flizzened the moldwarp…
ep64…‘You’re a powerful giant now… and ours, of course, is a match made in Nor!’ So the pixilated pair headed for the horizon,...
